I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
