You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
