God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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