By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
