She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
