Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He passed out mid-signature
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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