I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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