He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
