I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
