I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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