so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My bed smells like the plague
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
