So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
