You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My dick has a subreddit
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
