I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
