i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
