if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like a drive thru vagina
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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