whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
