No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
