Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
