I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
