True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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