i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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