my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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