Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
