I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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