Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
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I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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