one might say we're banned from that church
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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