fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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