I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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