8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
