I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
