If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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