Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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