why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Michael Bay diarrhea
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
