Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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