I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The power of my boobs compel you
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
