rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
