bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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