Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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