so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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