At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
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