I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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