I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.