ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.