I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
