I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A+ Viking dick
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
