if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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