So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize