Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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