you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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