so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
