i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
