But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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