thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
