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so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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