my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
