Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it because I queefed?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
