using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
