No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
