I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
