so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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