I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
