I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
